---
title: "Something Held Still At 187 Metres For Nine Minutes"
dek: "Two survey vessels 1.2 kilometres apart logged the same return against a 0.4-knot current. The skipper wrote down five things it could be before she told anyone. Our acoustician has ruled out two and will not rank the rest."
kind: news (News)
desk: Cryptids
author: Sal Brindisi (fictional)
published: 2026-07-18T09:00:00Z
url: https://theyburied.com/article/loch-ness-sonar-contact
tags: Loch Ness, sonar, survey, field work
genre: satire
status: fiction — nothing in this story happened; every person, source and document is invented
---

# Something Held Still At 187 Metres For Nine Minutes

*Two survey vessels 1.2 kilometres apart logged the same return against a 0.4-knot current. The skipper wrote down five things it could be before she told anyone. Our acoustician has ruled out two and will not rank the rest.*

The two vessels were not looking for anything.

They were mapping the bottom for a cable route, on a contract that has nothing to do with the loch's reputation. Their crews are, by their own account, extremely tired of being asked about it.

On the morning of 11 June, 1.2 kilometres apart, both logged the same return at 187 metres.

> **Figure:** Where the contact was — see https://theyburied.com/article/loch-ness-sonar-contact

## What the log shows

A discrete acoustic return, at a depth of 187 metres, which held its position for nine minutes and eleven seconds against a measured current of 0.4 knots, and then was not there.

Fiona Buchan-Nwosu, who skippers *Kestrel Two* and has surveyed for eleven years, did something before she reported it that this newspaper would like to draw attention to.

She wrote down what it could be.

**Document: From the skipper's log, 11 June, in her hand**

```
contact 0911, 187m, holding stn v. current 0.4kt.
before I call this in — what else is it:
  1. thermocline artefact / density layer
  2. fish aggregation, tight
  3. debris on a thermal, neutral buoyancy
  4. our own return off the far wall (check geometry)
  5. equipment
call Ptarmigan, do NOT tell them what I think it is
```

The last line is why this story exists. She telephoned the other vessel and asked what they had at 0911 without telling them what she had.

They had the same thing.

> Call Ptarmigan. Do not tell them what I think it is.
>
> — from the skipper's log

## The acoustician

This newspaper paid Dr. Ingrid Solheim-Baptiste, a fisheries acoustician in Bergen with no professional interest in the loch, to read both raw logs. Her report is published entire and she was told before she started that it would be.

She rules out two of the skipper's five: the geometry does not work for a wall return, and the equipment on both vessels was in calibration and logged nothing anomalous before or after.

She leaves three, and declines to rank them.

A dense fish aggregation is her most-mentioned candidate and she is careful about why: aggregations do hold station against a current, they do return as a discrete contact, and the loch's known fish biomass could produce one of about this size. Against that, she notes that the return's strength is at the upper end for that explanation and that the aggregation would have to disperse unusually fast.

A density layer artefact is her second. The loch is deep, cold, and stratified, and stratification does strange things to sound.

Her third is "an object", which she wrote in quotation marks and which she was asked about by telephone. Her answer, in full: "An object means an object. It means a thing that is there. I am not able to tell you what kind of thing, and anybody who tells you they can tell you from this data is selling something."

## What the crews think

Gordon Aitchison-Pryde, who logged it from *Ptarmigan*, has been a sonar operator for twenty-two years and was asked directly what he thought.

"I think it was fish," he said. "I have thought it was fish since the eleventh of June and I still think it was fish. I would also like it recorded that I have never before seen fish do that, and that I have said both of those sentences to you in the same breath because they are both true."

Buchan-Nwosu was asked the same question and gave a shorter answer.

"I do not know," she said. "That is what the log says and that is what I say. I have been asked forty times in three weeks and the answer has not improved."

## What this story establishes

That two vessels 1.2 kilometres apart independently logged the same discrete return; that one skipper wrote down five candidate explanations before reporting it and told the other vessel nothing; that a paid acoustician has eliminated two of the five; and that of the three remaining, the boring ones are more likely and the crews say so themselves.

## Sources (invented)

- Fiona Buchan-Nwosu, Skipper, survey vessel Kestrel Two — Interviewed in person aboard; supplied the raw sonar log and the vessel's track (2 July 2026)
- Gordon Aitchison-Pryde, Sonar operator, survey vessel Ptarmigan — Interviewed by telephone (3 July 2026)
- Dr. Ingrid Solheim-Baptiste, Fisheries acoustician — Reviewed both raw logs at this newspaper's request and expense (Report dated 12 July 2026)
- The survey contractor, Named in our notes — Written questions (July 2026)

## What we could not confirm

- What the contact was. Two vessels logged it; one acoustician has read both logs; her four candidate explanations are printed and she declines to rank them.
- Whether the contact was a single object. The return's shape is consistent with one object or with a tight aggregation, and the equipment cannot distinguish.
- Whether anything similar has been logged before on this contract. The contractor's earlier survey logs are commercial and were not released.

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They Buried is a satirical newspaper. Every story, source, document and person in it is invented. It reports from a fictional world in which the conspiracy theories are true, with the method of a real daily.