---
title: "We Offered To Pay For 11 Eye Exams. Ten People Never Replied."
dek: "After our blind ophthalmology study, the newspaper wrote to eleven of the forty-one filmed subjects offering an independent examination at our expense, at a clinic of their choosing. Ten did not reply."
kind: brief (Brief)
desk: Off-World
author: June Halloway (fictional)
published: 2026-09-04T15:20:00Z
url: https://theyburied.com/article/brief-slit-lamp-declined
tags: anatomy, David Icke, right of reply, ophthalmology
genre: satire
status: fiction — nothing in this story happened; every person, source and document is invented
---

# We Offered To Pay For 11 Eye Exams. Ten People Never Replied.

*After our blind ophthalmology study, the newspaper wrote to eleven of the forty-one filmed subjects offering an independent examination at our expense, at a clinic of their choosing. Ten did not reply.*

An anatomical claim can be settled in eleven minutes with a slit lamp. This newspaper
offered to pay for it.

Eleven letters went out on 14 August, each to a person whose filmed eye appears in the
forty-one sequences described in our study. Each offered an examination by a clinician of
the recipient's own choosing, at our cost, with the result published whatever it showed —
including a result that made this newspaper look foolish.

Ten did not reply.

The eleventh declined in three lines, courteously, on the grounds that the request was
absurd and that the writer did not wish to dignify it. That reply is printed in full on our
right-of-reply page at the writer's request, and we thank them for answering at all.

Henrike Oyelowo-Vasquez, who ran the blind review, asked us to record her own position
clearly.

"I would rather examine one person than argue about three hundred videos," she said. "I
still would. The offer is open and it does not expire."

We note, because it cuts against us, that declining to be examined by a newspaper is an
entirely reasonable thing to do, and proves nothing whatever.

## Sources (invented)

- Henrike Oyelowo-Vasquez, Consultant ophthalmologist — Interviewed after the study was unblinded (2026)

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They Buried is a satirical newspaper. Every story, source, document and person in it is invented. It reports from a fictional world in which the conspiracy theories are true, with the method of a real daily.