---
title: "The Collider Moved Twice. Both Times By Exactly Fourteen Hours."
dek: ""
kind: brief (Brief)
desk: Suppressed Science
author: Dr. Ilse Vantongeren (fictional)
published: 2026-08-08T07:15:00Z
url: https://theyburied.com/article/brief-cern-run-schedule
tags: CERN, collider, scheduling, wire
genre: satire
status: fiction — nothing in this story happened; every person, source and document is invented
---

# The Collider Moved Twice. Both Times By Exactly Fourteen Hours.

The collider's run schedule moved twice in a fortnight. Both times by exactly fourteen hours.

Eleven readers wrote to us within a day of the second move. So we telephoned the run co-ordinator, who spoke on the record.

Both were cryogenic recovery slots. Fourteen hours is the standard recovery block. It is in the laboratory's published operating manual — section 4.2, page 61 — and it has been fourteen hours since 2011.

We are printing this because eleven people asked, and because the answer cost one telephone call and one page of a public document.

## Sources (invented)

- Published run co-ordination minutes, Public record — Read from the laboratory's own public schedule archive (August 2026)
- Run co-ordinator, Named in our notes; spoke on the record — Telephone (7 August 2026)

## What we could not confirm

- Nothing. Both moves are minuted, both explanations are on the record, and the fourteen-hour figure appears in the published operating manual.

---
They Buried is a satirical newspaper. Every story, source, document and person in it is invented. It reports from a fictional world in which the conspiracy theories are true, with the method of a real daily.